Last Updated: May 20, 1999

Toni's DEEPER Thoughts:

1. Excerpts from a Corporate Y2K Communications Plan from a Blonde Y2K Software Engineer:

I hope I haven't misunderstood your instructions. Because, to be honest, none of this Y to K problem makes any sense to me. At any rate I have finished converting all the months on all the company calendars so that the year 2000 is ready to go with the following new months:






2. Technology for Country Folk

  • LOG ON: Makin a wood stove hotter.
  • LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood.
  • MONITOR: Keepin an eye on the wood stove.
  • DOWNLOAD: Gettin the farwood off the truk.
  • MEGA HERTZ: When yer not kerful gettin the farwood.
  • FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood.
  • RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood.
  • HARD DRIVE: Gettin home in the winter time.
  • PROMPT: Whut the mail ain't in the winter time.
  • WINDOWS: Whut to shut wen it's cold outside.
  • SCREEN: Whut to shut wen it's blak fly season.
  • BYTE: Whut them dang flys do.
  • CHIP: Munchies fer the TV.
  • MICRO CHIP: Whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag.
  • MODEM: Whut cha did to the hay fields.
  • DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix's wife.
  • LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps.
  • KEYBOARD: Whar ya hang the dang keys.
  • SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knifs.
  • MOUSE: Whut eats the grain in the barn.
  • MAINFRAME: Holds up the barn roof.
  • PORT: Fancy Flatlander wine.
  • ENTER: Northerner talk fer "C'mon in y'all".
  • RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: Wen ya cain't 'member whut ya paid fer the rifle when yore wife asks.
  • MOUSE PAD: That hippie talk fer the rat hole.

3. Very Interesting

Number of physicians in the US: 700,000. Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year: 120,000.

Accidental deaths per physician: 0.171 (U.S. Dept. of Health & Human Services)

Number of gun owners in the US: 80,000,000. Number of accidental gun deaths per year (all age groups): 1,500.

Accidental deaths per gun owner: 0.0000188

Statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.

"FACT: Not everyone has a gun, but everyone has at least one Doctor."

Please alert your friends to this alarming threat !!!!!

We must ban doctors before this gets out of hand.

As a Public Health Measure, I have withheld the statistic on Lawyers for fear that the shock could cause people to seek medical aid.

More to follow . . . . . . . . . . . . . .