Last Updated: May 20, 1999
Toni's DEEPER Thoughts:
1. Excerpts from a Corporate Y2K Communications Plan from a Blonde Y2K
I hope I haven't misunderstood your instructions. Because, to be honest,
none of this Y to K problem makes any sense to me. At any rate I have
finished converting all the months on
all the company calendars so that the year 2000 is ready to go with the
following new months:
2. Technology for Country Folk
- LOG ON: Makin a wood stove hotter.
- LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood.
- MONITOR: Keepin an eye on the wood stove.
- DOWNLOAD: Gettin the farwood off the truk.
- MEGA HERTZ: When yer not kerful gettin the farwood.
- FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood.
- RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood.
- HARD DRIVE: Gettin home in the winter time.
- PROMPT: Whut the mail ain't in the winter time.
- WINDOWS: Whut to shut wen it's cold outside.
- SCREEN: Whut to shut wen it's blak fly season.
- BYTE: Whut them dang flys do.
- CHIP: Munchies fer the TV.
- MICRO CHIP: Whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag.
- MODEM: Whut cha did to the hay fields.
- DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix's wife.
- LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps.
- KEYBOARD: Whar ya hang the dang keys.
- SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knifs.
- MOUSE: Whut eats the grain in the barn.
- MAINFRAME: Holds up the barn roof.
- PORT: Fancy Flatlander wine.
- ENTER: Northerner talk fer "C'mon in y'all".
- RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: Wen ya cain't 'member whut ya paid fer the rifle when yore wife asks.
- MOUSE PAD: That hippie talk fer the rat hole.
3. Very Interesting
Number of physicians in the US: 700,000.
Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year: 120,000.
Accidental deaths per physician: 0.171 (U.S. Dept. of Health & Human Services)
Number of gun owners in the US: 80,000,000.
Number of accidental gun deaths per year (all age groups): 1,500.
Accidental deaths per gun owner: 0.0000188
Statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.
"FACT: Not everyone has a gun, but everyone has at least one Doctor."
Please alert your friends to this alarming threat !!!!!
We must ban doctors before this gets out of hand.
As a Public Health Measure, I have withheld the statistic on Lawyers for fear that the shock could cause people to seek medical aid.
More to follow . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
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